Moving forward...

It has been a hard week since my Jiji passed away. I've had my ups and downs, just like anyone dealing with loss, and my depression was certainly not helping. In the end though, I know that we did the right thing; as much as it hurts. My fiance is trying to be the strong one; able to support me when I need it, and I'm so thankful for that. Him and I have paid off our vet bill, and now Jiji's sister needs to go the doctor as she keeps peeing and pooping outside the litter box. I really hope nothing is severely wrong with her...

I can't thank people enough for all their support. At this point I'm feeling redundant, and empty on the subject of Jiji, and I want to give myself something to look forward to. Something to cheer me up, and help with the hurt, because Jiji is the second cat I have lost this year... and my poor heart has taken enough beatings already to last a life time, outside of losing my cats as it is.

I've been thinking a lot lately on what I want to do with my life. I've been living off of government support for the last 5ish years, desperately hoping that some doctor would find the cure to my medical turmoil. It took that long, and plenty of doctors but I'm finally making headway in my life.

When you have struggled as long as I have with health issues, you begin to appreciate the smaller things, such as being able to take walks, getting up in the morning, spending time away from the computer, hanging out with friends or walking the to bathroom without hitting the walls, door frames or corners. I used to love sleeping, now I hate it. Working a 9-5 job was annoying, now I look forward to it. Things like that. This is all because of the 20+ years that I had to just get worse and worse, and the last 6ish years of my life in which I stayed in my room, on my bed either sleeping, or browsing the internet. If you think being in a relationship ties you down, think again. Medical obstacles are terrible.

Unlike most people, I didn't get to go to school, graduate post secondary, and move onto a career I liked. So now, at almost 26 I'm having to look back at my life, measure out what has been important to me, and look forward down a path I want to take. In several ways, I feel that I have an advantage over high school students. I've been an adult long enough to experience the world and use that information to make an informed choice. However, on the other hand, I feel older, and behind in the game. But I've put all my tokens out on the table and finally made up my mind.

I AM planning on starting my first novel, as well as my first comic series within the next 2 years, but I don't have specific dates yet. I am still working on the break down plans. My fiance and I have talked about this plan and we both agree that it is a good one.

I know that some people will look at the last goal and poop their pants, but I personally believe that children shouldn't be raising children. I don't believe in having children before you are 25 because you are too young and immature, and irresponsible for this. I've seen SO SO SO many young parents, and they all suck at their job. They let their children get whatever they want, the kids have no respect for authority, they are bratty, whining and difficult to handle, and they run around disrespecting the property of others. They do dangerous things like run across the road without looking, ride bikes instead of walking down a cross walk, and they honestly believe that cars will stop on a dime for them. Enough is enough. I refuse to be that type of parent, thus I am waiting until I get my life sorted out, a good career, and a stable living environment before I adopt children.

Currently, I am going to a counselor twice a month. I started going in August, and I've only had 3 sessions, but it is really helping with my depression and anxiety. I feel like a better person. One who isn't useless and a punching bag for others. I like feeling like this. I am finally going to start my life. It just really sucks that my Baby-chan and my Jiji won't be with me along the way, but I know they are in a better place, and I look forward to seeing them again someday.